http://remembrance.zoomshare.com/2.shtml "Remembrance" Scrapbooking: Fun & Stuff Wed, 09 Apr 2008 15:31:08 -0500 http://remembrance.zoomshare.com/2.shtml/c7091f9408cf36816d2affa9b189a164_47fd2783.writeback Wed, 09 Apr 2008 15:30:59 -0500 Please mark your calendars for the CSI overnight crop on June 20-21. http://remembrance.zoomshare.com/2.shtml/ed2daabf3ac2ef141ee881da7275f18c_464601dd.writeback Sat, 12 May 2007 13:05:17 -0500 The other day, someone at a store in our town read that a methamphetamine lab had been found in an old farmhouse in the adjoining county and he asked me a rhetorical question, ''Why didn't we have a drug problem when you and I were growing up?'' I replied: I had a drug problem when I was young: I was drug to church on Sunday morning. I was drug to church for weddings and funerals. I was drug to family reunions and community socials no matter the weather. I was drug by my ears when I was disrespectful to adults. I was also drug to the woodshed when I disobeyed my parents, told a lie, brought home a bad report card, did not speak with respect, spoke ill of the teacher or the preacher, or if I didn't put forth my best effort in everything that was asked of me. I was drug to the kitchen sink to have my mouth washed out with soap if I uttered a profane four- letter word. I was drug out to pull weeds in mom's garden and flower beds and cockleburrs out of dad's fields. I was drug to the homes of family, friends, and neighbors to help out some poor soul who had no one to mow the yard, repair the clothesline, or chop some firewood; and, if my mother had ever known that I took a single dime as a tip for this kindness, she would have drug me back to the woodshed. Those drugs are still in my veins; and they affect my behavior in everything I do, say, and think. They are stronger than cocaine, crack, or heroin; and, if today's children had this kind of drug problem, America could be a better place. http://remembrance.zoomshare.com/2.shtml/64773a1eafa9cf9b4f433a848002f68e_44012a49.writeback Sat, 25 Feb 2006 22:10:49 -0600 One day Abraham was busy installing Windows XP on his old PC. "But father," said Isaac, "you don't have enough memory to run Windows XP!" "Don't worry, my son," replied Abraham. "God himself will provide the RAM." http://remembrance.zoomshare.com/2.shtml/3e67fbe93a5772acac340a9255418839_440129f6.writeback Sat, 25 Feb 2006 22:09:26 -0600 A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5 and Ryan 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. "If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, 'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'" Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus!" http://remembrance.zoomshare.com/2.shtml/d859ba132fbe0d69428c27cdaeb077b5_440129d8.writeback Sat, 25 Feb 2006 22:08:56 -0600 Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother Joel were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had had enough. "You're not supposed to talk out loud in church." "Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked. Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those two men standing by the door? They're hushers." http://remembrance.zoomshare.com/2.shtml/df210673d9631fbf2e3d634fb2e0bb34_440129b9.writeback Sat, 25 Feb 2006 22:08:25 -0600 A Sunday school teacher asked her children, as they were on the way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping." http://remembrance.zoomshare.com/2.shtml/8203c22ac7444fdba47b847ef52fc9d3_44012773.writeback Sat, 25 Feb 2006 21:58:43 -0600 A fifth grade teacher asked her class how TV commercials could communicate ideas about God. Here are some of the results. God is like..BAYER ASPIRIN. He works miracles. God is like...a FORD. He's got a better idea. God is like...COKE. He's the real thing. God is like...HALLMARK CARDS. He cares enough to send His very best. God is like...TIDE. He gets out the stains others leave behind. God is like...GENERAL ELECTRIC. He brings good things to life. God is like...SEARS. He has everything. God is like...ALKA-SELTZER. Try him, you'll like Him. God is like...SCOTCH TAPE. You can't see him, but you know He's there. God is like...DELTA. He's ready when you are. God is like...ALLSTATE. You're in good hands with Him. God is like...VO-5 Hair Spray. He holds through all kinds of weather. God is like...DIAL SOAP. Aren't you glad you have Him? Don't you wish everybody did? God is like...the U.S. POST OFFICE. Neither rain, nor snow, nor sleet nor ice will keep Him from His appointed destination. http://remembrance.zoomshare.com/2.shtml/6807e9967928d4c6265cc707fa604028_431c4f09.writeback Mon, 05 Sep 2005 08:58:33 -0500 Following is a prayer said by Minister Joe Wright when he was asked to open the new session of the Kansas Senate: "Heavenly Father, we come before you today to ask your forgiveness and to seek your direction and guidance. We know Your Word says, 'Woe to those who call evil good,' but that is exactly what we have done. We have lost our spiritual equilibrium and reversed our values. We have exploited the poor and called it the lottery. We have rewarded laziness and called it welfare. We have killed our unborn and called it choice. We have shot abortionists and called it justifiable. We have neglected to discipline our children and called it building self esteem. We have abused power and called it politics. We have coveted our neighbor's possessions and called it ambition. We have polluted the air with profanity and pornography and called it freedom of expression. We have ridiculed the time-honored values of our forefathers and called it enlightenment. Search us, Oh, God, and know our hearts today; cleanse us from every sin and set us free. Amen!" The response was immediate. A number of legislators walked out during the prayer in protest. In 6 short weeks, Central Christian Church, where Rev. Wright is pastor, logged more than 5,000 phone calls with only 47 of those calls responding negatively. The church is now receiving international requests for copies of this prayer from India, Africa and Korea. Commentator Paul Harvey aired this prayer on his radio program, "The Rest of the Story," and received a larger response to this program than any other he has ever aired. With the Lord's help, may this prayer sweep over our nation and wholeheartedly become our desire so that we again can be called "one nation under God." http://remembrance.zoomshare.com/2.shtml/9a0686511939bddcbd53b6c1ac8f6e3d_430d486e.writeback Wed, 24 Aug 2005 23:26:22 -0500 God is sitting in heaven when a scientist prays to Him, "God, we don't need you anymore. Science has finally figured out a way to create life out of nothing. In other words, we can now do what you did in the 'beginning.'" "Oh, is that so? Tell me..." replies God. "Well," says the scientist, "we can take dirt and form it into the likeness of you and breathe life into it, thus creating man." "Well, that's interesting...show Me." So the scientist bends down to the earth and starts to mold the soil. "No, no, no..." interrupts God, "Get your own dirt." http://remembrance.zoomshare.com/2.shtml/008406d9eb12f6b33eacb85ca3cdb0ea_430d474c.writeback Wed, 24 Aug 2005 23:21:32 -0500 The day finally arrived; Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself. However, the gates are closed and Forrest approaches the Gatekeeper. St. Peter says, "Well, Forrest, it's certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you. I must tell you, though, that the place is filling up fast, and we've been administering an entrance examination for everyone. The test is short, but you have to pass it before you can get into Heaven." Forrest responds, "It shor is good to be here, St. Peter, sir. But nobody ever tolt me about any entrance exam. Shor hope the test ain't too hard; life was a big enough test as it was." St. Peter goes on, "Yes, I know, Forrest, but the test is only three questions. First: What two days of the week begin with the letter T? Second: How many seconds are there in a year? Third: What is God's first name? Forrest leaves to think the questions over. He returns the next day and sees St. Peter, who waves him up and says, "Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over, tell me your answers. Forrest says, "Well, the first one -- which two days in the week begin with the letter "T"? Shucks, that one's easy. That'd be Today and Tomorrow. The Saint's eyes open wide and he exclaims, "Forrest, that's not what I was thinking, but you do have a point, and I guess I didn't specify, so I'll give you credit for that answer. How about the next one?" asks St. Peter. "How many seconds in a year?" "Now that one's harder," says Forrest, "but I thunk and thunk about that and I guess the only answer can be twelve." Astounded, St. Peter says, "Twelve? Twelve!? Forrest, how in Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?" Forrest says "Shucks, there's gotta be twelve: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd. . .." "Hold it, " interrupts St. Peter. "I see where you're going with this, and I see your point, though that wasn't quite what I had in mind.....but I'll have to give you credit for that one, too. Let's go on with the third and final question. Can you tell me God's first name"? "Sure", Forrest replied, "its Andy." "Andy?!" exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St. Peter. "Ok, I can understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in the world did you come up with the name Andy as the first name of God?" "Shucks, that was the easiest one of all," Forrest replied. "I learnt it from the song. are you ready? "ANDY WALKS WITH ME, ANDY TALKS WITH ME, ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN". St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates and said: "Run Forrest, run!" Give me a sense of humour, God, give me the grace to see a joke, to get some humour out of life, and pass it on to other folk.